Besides, I’m selfish and carefree. Do you want to know why? Well, I just want my children to take initiative, to be independent and self-reliant.
Working at a kindergarten, I saw a lot of overprotected kids, but one boy, Colin, was etched into my memory the most. He was raised to eat everything that was put in front of him whether he liked it or not. As a result, the boy had gotten a serious eating disorder. He mechanically chewed and swallowed everything he was given. And I had to feed him, because ’he’s not able to do it on his own.’ The first time I fed Colin, I couldn’t read any sort of emotion on his face. I lifted the spoon, he opened his mouth, chewed, swallowed.
I asked: ’Do you like oatmeal?’ ’No.’
But he still opened his mouth and accepted the food.
’Do you want more?’ I asked, lifting the spoon. ’No.’ But he continued chewing and accepting. ’If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it.’
Colin’s eyes widened in surprise. He did not know this was possible.
At first, Colin enjoyed his right to refuse food and drank only juice. But then he began eating what he liked and left the rest. He learned to choose for himself. And then we stopped feeding him with a spoon because eating is a natural need. A hungry child will clean up a plate on their own.
I’m a lazy mom. I was too lazy to feed my children. When my kids turned one, I gave them a spoon and sat to eat next to them. When they were a year and a half they could already eat with a fork.
Another natural need is defecation. Colin did it in his pants. His mother told us to take Colin to the toilet every two hours. As a result, in kindergarten the child waited for someone to take him to the bathroom. Waiting too long, he peed in his pants and didn’t even try taking them off or asking for help. A week later the problem was solved.
’I want to pee!’ Colin announced proudly going to the bathroom.
I’m a lazy mom. I like to sleep late on weekends. One Saturday I woke up at about 11 a.m. My two-year-old son was watching a cartoon and eating a cookie. He turned on the TV and activated the DVD player by himself. His older sibling, who was eight years old, was no longer at home. The day before, he had asked permission to go with his friend and his parents to the cinema. I said that I was too lazy to get up so early, and if he wanted to go he had to get ready on his own. Of course, I didn’t sleep...I set my alarm clock, I heard him leaving and closing the door, I waited for a text from his friend’s mother...but this was all done ’behind the scenes.’
I’m too lazy to check his bag before school, to dry his clothes after the pool, and to do homework with him. I don’t even take out the garbage because this is my son’s responsibility.
Also, I can ask him to make me a cup of tea. I think that I will become lazier with every coming year.
But once my mother comes to visit us, my children change almost beyond recognition. My elder son immediately ’forgets’ how to do his homework, how to heat up dinner, and how to get his schoolbag. He is even afraid to sleep alone in his room. Well, it must be because our granny is not lazy.
Children will never be independent if their parents don’t want them to be.
Author: Anna Bykova
