Roses are red, violets are blue, give us a nap and a glass of wine, too.
Ah, Valentine’s Day. The time of year when you and that special someone sip champagne over a quiet candlelit table for two.
Lolololol.
Those were the good ‘ol days, amirite? For us working moms, Valentine’s can be a forced march through holiday hell. Hello, toddlers on a sugar high. And did you make the cards for your kid's classmates? All of them? God forbid you forget someone, or Cupid will strike you down with way more than an arrow. He'll hit you with the wrath of a thousand wronged mamas.
Don’t get me wrong, romance would be nice. But so would a big glass of wine and a long nap.
Along those lines, we came up with 14 other items working moms would really like on Feb. 14:
1.
Your husband suddenly develops an uncontrollable attraction for stained yoga pants, unshaved legs and messy ponytails. Rawr.
2.
When there's a stinky booty in the house, John Legend shows up ... with Adam Levine.
3.
Silence.
4.
Instead of political debates and depressing news, your Facebook newsfeed is filled with fluffy cats sweetly embracing.
5.
Or Idris Elba holding a pooch, if you're more of a dog person.
6.
And Channing Tatum. That's it. Just Channing Tatum.
7.
The new theme for PTA meetings? “Margarita Mondays.” Bottoms up!
8.
Sexy lingerie. After all, you’ve been looking for lace to use as a pretty border for your latest scrapbooking project.
9.
Your daughter becomes a viral sensation, needing no further help from you to sell Girl Scout cookies
10.
This glitter-farting troll comes to stop tantrums in their tracks (as long as he cleans up his own mess after).
11.
Chocolate designed to look like asparagus, so the kids will never touch it.
12.
An all-expense paid, luxury getaway... for one. (See #3.)
What's on her mind? Nothing, my friends. Absolutely nothing.
13.
Your perpetually cranky coworkers must compete in a Hunger Games-style elimination.
14.
But really, a quiet candlelit table for two would be nice. It would be really, really nice.
