By Vanessa Golembewski, Allure
Folks, in case you haven't heard, things aren't great. In fact, they are incredibly terrifying in so many ways. Fears of impending doom are at an all-time high, and people throughout the country — particularly immigrants, POC, LGBTQ+ folks, and literally anyone who knows anything about climate change — have experienced profound spikes of dread since January 20, 2017.
[post_ads]Basically, there's a perpetual feeling that the apocalypse is likely on its way. Now, you may feel uncertain of how to properly plan for it, but if The Walking Dead has taught us anything, it’s that surviving the end of days it really all about being resourceful. And imaginative. And when we’re all living in bunkers due to the effects of climate change in the not-so-distant future, the same will go for your beauty routine.
Beauty routine?!, you may be thinking. Why the fuck will I need a beauty routine as the seas rise, heat waves sweep the planet, the gaping cracks in Earth’s surface threaten to swallow us whole?! But think about it: In addition to your daily survival activities, you may want to distract yourself by reviving some of your old habits. Skin care, hair care, makeup, all under the faint glow of a generator-powered lamp. "Bunker beauty," so to speak.
Now, as you plan your bunker beauty, remember that every item should have at least two to three purposes. And, apologies for getting all Marie Kondo for a moment, but each item should also bring you some type of joy. The only thing that'll be scarcer than booze when the shit hits the fan? Joy. To help ease your anxiety about preparing for your new life as a survivalist (and let’s be real, to justify bringing a bunch of superfluous products with you), here’s what your new beauty routine may look like once you’re living underground, attempting to start the next civilization.
[post_ads_2]
6 a.m.: Wake up and realize this isn’t just a bad dream. Cry for 10 to 15 minutes (optional). Then, wash your face with an energizing wash, because you’ve gotta be on your game.
Apocalyptic Allure Pick: Clean & Clear Morning Burst Facial Cleanser
6:05 a.m. (6:20, should you opt to cry first): After washing your face you notice you’ve got a furrowed brow. Actually, that makes sense, because you’ve been furrowing your brow since the late hours of November 8, 2016. Why? Well, you can’t quite understand how your country is run by a sentient pumpkin. And you better believe you’ll be making that “Huh?” face for pretty much the rest of your life. To counteract those furrow lines, try a serum that combats fine lines while you combat whatever the apocalypse has led to. Probably zombies.
AAP: Estee Lauder Perfectionist CP+R Wrinkle Lifting/Firming Serum
6:30 a.m.: Oh, man. Wouldn’t a nice cup of coffee be great right about now? Well, this is the end times. So there’s not any coffee for you! Just lots and lots of canned tuna, baby. The closest thing you’ll get is some caffeinated under-eye cream. Not only will it work some de-puff magic, but if you’re really desperate you can just squeeze some right onto your tongue for the slightest dose of café.
AAP: 100% Pure Coffee Bean Caffeine Eye Cream
7 a.m.: You might say that, given the world ending and whatnot, there’s not a “real reason” to worry about wearing makeup. But it’s important to remember that you can also wear makeup for your own damn self. If it makes you feel more put together and confident as the world crumbles around you, then fuck it — just go for it. But remember: you may have forgotten to include a mirror in your “go bag.” So, maybe try a lipstick that applies evenly on its own.
AAP: Glossier Generation G
8 a.m.: Close your eyes. Try to remember what the sun feels like on your skin. Accept that it will be awhile before you see the real sun. Apply vitamin D serum to make up for it.
AAP: Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare C+ Collagen Brighten & Firm Vitamin C Serum
10 a.m.: It’s all seemed pretty glum up to this point, but there are some legitimately fun aspects to the bunker life. For one thing, if you’re lucky enough to be down there with a friend or two, you’re gonna have SO many inside jokes. (Or maybe you'll just have to make one...but more on that in a moment.) Think of the laughs you’ll have! In fact, you’ll laugh so much that you’ll need to address your smile lines so you’ll appear all fresh-faced when you emerge from your underground hole.
AAP: Kiehl's Double Strength Visible Wrinkle Filler
12 p.m.: Okay, maybe you’re bored. Why not give yourself a nice manicure? And if you’re not into that, consider the added benefit of having a bold lacquer around: You can use it to paint a tally for each day that passes on the walls, so you can keep track of time and don’t get the bunker madness.
AAP: Zoya Nail Lacquer
1 p.m.: Speaking of indefinite amounts of time, you might find yourself bored — with your hair, that is. This is the devil’s playground. If it was a bad idea to give yourself bangs when you still had control over your life and could breathe fresh air and were just reacting to yet another breakup with your mediocre ex, it’s an even worse idea to try to give yourself a haircut when living in a small room with no windows. Just invest in some great snag-free elastics to keep that pesky hair off your face. And hey! Isn’t this a great time to finally practice those braid tutorials you watched on YouTube all those years?
AAP: Sephora Collection Snag-Free Hair Elastics
1:15 p.m.: If you have quickly realized you aren’t good at braiding your own hair, pass the time by trying out a sheet mask. Stick this sucker on, recite your favorite movies lines in a British accent like you're a college student who just got back from studying abroad for six months, and you have yourself an afternoon activity.
[post_ads_2]
AAP: Dr. Jart+ Brightening Infusion Hydrogel Mask
3 p.m.: If we learned anything from Castaway, it’s that an important part of survival is making sure you don’t get too lonely. Take out your Beautyblender — it is not the time to artfully apply actual foundation. It is the time to draw a face on that pink sponge and create your own friend, a la Wilson. Call her "Betty." Tell her about your day. Ask her the questions you never pondered during your above-ground life. Allow Betty to keep you accountable.
AAP: Beautyblender the original beautyblender
4 p.m.: Time for a spot check of the premises. And the greatest product for a spot check is a nice texturizing spray. I know what you’re thinking: what will I care about texturing my hair when I’m living in a bunker? But it’s so much more than that. This is a multipurpose item. You can use it with a lighter to make a blowtorch. You can spray it on a bug and that bug will probably die. And if you end up with fun, piece-y hair as a result? Well, worse things have happened.
AAP: EVO Shebang-A-Bang Dry Spray Wax
One style to skip: "beach waves." Not only are they quite unattainable for many hair types, they'll also remind you of actual beach waves, which you will never see again.
6 p.m.: You’re probably hungry and sick of canned tuna at this point. And maybe it’s also time for you to wash up a bit. (TBH, you probably smell like canned tuna.) Meet your new best friend, a mostly-edible body wash that’s got kale in it. You’ll be clean and you can momentarily reminisce about the days of walking through an actual produce aisle at the supermarket.
AAP: Kale Naturals 3-in-1 Wash
9 p.m.: Time to stand watch, girl! Stay awake by periodically spritzing yourself in the face with this refreshing mist.
AAP: Pixi By Petra Vitamin Wakeup Mist
11 p.m.: You need to think about what your plan is if someone shows up trying to hang out in your bunker, or perhaps rob you of your supplies. This is where temporary tattoos can come in handy. Arrange a ton of flash tats on your body in a way that appears you are the queen of a new group of apocalypse survivors. No one will mess with you. Ask Betty to help you brainstorm some convincing queen names.
[post_ads_2]
AAP: Flash Tattoos Aurelie
5 a.m.: The sun’s rising soon, and it’s time to get a quick disco nap in before you start your day all over again. If you’re having trouble sleeping, what with being surrounded by impending doom and all, apply a lavender cream generously to your hands, cup your hands over your mouth and nose, and just start huffing in that sweet, relaxing goodness.
AAP: Lush Helping Hands Hand Cream
There you have it, folks. Follow these tips and you’re sure to impress all three of the other survivalists in your bunker. And while there’s no telling how long that canned tuna will last you, one thing’s for sure: you're going out with a glow! On the rare occasion you venture out to scavenge, though, skip the highlighter. Zombies love highlighter.
[post_ads]Basically, there's a perpetual feeling that the apocalypse is likely on its way. Now, you may feel uncertain of how to properly plan for it, but if The Walking Dead has taught us anything, it’s that surviving the end of days it really all about being resourceful. And imaginative. And when we’re all living in bunkers due to the effects of climate change in the not-so-distant future, the same will go for your beauty routine.
Beauty routine?!, you may be thinking. Why the fuck will I need a beauty routine as the seas rise, heat waves sweep the planet, the gaping cracks in Earth’s surface threaten to swallow us whole?! But think about it: In addition to your daily survival activities, you may want to distract yourself by reviving some of your old habits. Skin care, hair care, makeup, all under the faint glow of a generator-powered lamp. "Bunker beauty," so to speak.
Now, as you plan your bunker beauty, remember that every item should have at least two to three purposes. And, apologies for getting all Marie Kondo for a moment, but each item should also bring you some type of joy. The only thing that'll be scarcer than booze when the shit hits the fan? Joy. To help ease your anxiety about preparing for your new life as a survivalist (and let’s be real, to justify bringing a bunch of superfluous products with you), here’s what your new beauty routine may look like once you’re living underground, attempting to start the next civilization.
[post_ads_2]
6 a.m.: Wake up and realize this isn’t just a bad dream. Cry for 10 to 15 minutes (optional). Then, wash your face with an energizing wash, because you’ve gotta be on your game.
Apocalyptic Allure Pick: Clean & Clear Morning Burst Facial Cleanser
6:05 a.m. (6:20, should you opt to cry first): After washing your face you notice you’ve got a furrowed brow. Actually, that makes sense, because you’ve been furrowing your brow since the late hours of November 8, 2016. Why? Well, you can’t quite understand how your country is run by a sentient pumpkin. And you better believe you’ll be making that “Huh?” face for pretty much the rest of your life. To counteract those furrow lines, try a serum that combats fine lines while you combat whatever the apocalypse has led to. Probably zombies.
AAP: Estee Lauder Perfectionist CP+R Wrinkle Lifting/Firming Serum
6:30 a.m.: Oh, man. Wouldn’t a nice cup of coffee be great right about now? Well, this is the end times. So there’s not any coffee for you! Just lots and lots of canned tuna, baby. The closest thing you’ll get is some caffeinated under-eye cream. Not only will it work some de-puff magic, but if you’re really desperate you can just squeeze some right onto your tongue for the slightest dose of café.
AAP: 100% Pure Coffee Bean Caffeine Eye Cream
7 a.m.: You might say that, given the world ending and whatnot, there’s not a “real reason” to worry about wearing makeup. But it’s important to remember that you can also wear makeup for your own damn self. If it makes you feel more put together and confident as the world crumbles around you, then fuck it — just go for it. But remember: you may have forgotten to include a mirror in your “go bag.” So, maybe try a lipstick that applies evenly on its own.
AAP: Glossier Generation G
8 a.m.: Close your eyes. Try to remember what the sun feels like on your skin. Accept that it will be awhile before you see the real sun. Apply vitamin D serum to make up for it.
AAP: Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare C+ Collagen Brighten & Firm Vitamin C Serum
10 a.m.: It’s all seemed pretty glum up to this point, but there are some legitimately fun aspects to the bunker life. For one thing, if you’re lucky enough to be down there with a friend or two, you’re gonna have SO many inside jokes. (Or maybe you'll just have to make one...but more on that in a moment.) Think of the laughs you’ll have! In fact, you’ll laugh so much that you’ll need to address your smile lines so you’ll appear all fresh-faced when you emerge from your underground hole.
AAP: Kiehl's Double Strength Visible Wrinkle Filler
12 p.m.: Okay, maybe you’re bored. Why not give yourself a nice manicure? And if you’re not into that, consider the added benefit of having a bold lacquer around: You can use it to paint a tally for each day that passes on the walls, so you can keep track of time and don’t get the bunker madness.
AAP: Zoya Nail Lacquer
1 p.m.: Speaking of indefinite amounts of time, you might find yourself bored — with your hair, that is. This is the devil’s playground. If it was a bad idea to give yourself bangs when you still had control over your life and could breathe fresh air and were just reacting to yet another breakup with your mediocre ex, it’s an even worse idea to try to give yourself a haircut when living in a small room with no windows. Just invest in some great snag-free elastics to keep that pesky hair off your face. And hey! Isn’t this a great time to finally practice those braid tutorials you watched on YouTube all those years?
AAP: Sephora Collection Snag-Free Hair Elastics
1:15 p.m.: If you have quickly realized you aren’t good at braiding your own hair, pass the time by trying out a sheet mask. Stick this sucker on, recite your favorite movies lines in a British accent like you're a college student who just got back from studying abroad for six months, and you have yourself an afternoon activity.
[post_ads_2]
AAP: Dr. Jart+ Brightening Infusion Hydrogel Mask
3 p.m.: If we learned anything from Castaway, it’s that an important part of survival is making sure you don’t get too lonely. Take out your Beautyblender — it is not the time to artfully apply actual foundation. It is the time to draw a face on that pink sponge and create your own friend, a la Wilson. Call her "Betty." Tell her about your day. Ask her the questions you never pondered during your above-ground life. Allow Betty to keep you accountable.
AAP: Beautyblender the original beautyblender
4 p.m.: Time for a spot check of the premises. And the greatest product for a spot check is a nice texturizing spray. I know what you’re thinking: what will I care about texturing my hair when I’m living in a bunker? But it’s so much more than that. This is a multipurpose item. You can use it with a lighter to make a blowtorch. You can spray it on a bug and that bug will probably die. And if you end up with fun, piece-y hair as a result? Well, worse things have happened.
AAP: EVO Shebang-A-Bang Dry Spray Wax
One style to skip: "beach waves." Not only are they quite unattainable for many hair types, they'll also remind you of actual beach waves, which you will never see again.
6 p.m.: You’re probably hungry and sick of canned tuna at this point. And maybe it’s also time for you to wash up a bit. (TBH, you probably smell like canned tuna.) Meet your new best friend, a mostly-edible body wash that’s got kale in it. You’ll be clean and you can momentarily reminisce about the days of walking through an actual produce aisle at the supermarket.
AAP: Kale Naturals 3-in-1 Wash
9 p.m.: Time to stand watch, girl! Stay awake by periodically spritzing yourself in the face with this refreshing mist.
AAP: Pixi By Petra Vitamin Wakeup Mist
11 p.m.: You need to think about what your plan is if someone shows up trying to hang out in your bunker, or perhaps rob you of your supplies. This is where temporary tattoos can come in handy. Arrange a ton of flash tats on your body in a way that appears you are the queen of a new group of apocalypse survivors. No one will mess with you. Ask Betty to help you brainstorm some convincing queen names.
[post_ads_2]
AAP: Flash Tattoos Aurelie
5 a.m.: The sun’s rising soon, and it’s time to get a quick disco nap in before you start your day all over again. If you’re having trouble sleeping, what with being surrounded by impending doom and all, apply a lavender cream generously to your hands, cup your hands over your mouth and nose, and just start huffing in that sweet, relaxing goodness.
AAP: Lush Helping Hands Hand Cream
There you have it, folks. Follow these tips and you’re sure to impress all three of the other survivalists in your bunker. And while there’s no telling how long that canned tuna will last you, one thing’s for sure: you're going out with a glow! On the rare occasion you venture out to scavenge, though, skip the highlighter. Zombies love highlighter.
