How Acne Helped My Career as a Beauty Editor

Photo: Courtesy of Karina Hoshikawa

By Karina Hoshikawa, Teen Vogue
  

Pimples. Acne. Zits. Breakouts. Blemishes. There sure are a lot of synonyms for the same pervasive, irksome thing. And it doesn’t matter how bright your lipstick is or how sharp your winged liner is; when you’ve got a big ol’ zit on your face, it sometimes feels like it’s the only thing people are looking at. I would know.
 

[post_ads]My very long, very fraught relationship with acne began when I was a freshman in high school. (I know — just when the last thing I needed was another thing to be insecure about.) Breakouts started cropping up faster than my OTC spot treatment could eradicate them, and shortly thereafter, became so severe that I started seeing a dermatologist. A million prescription topicals later, and still nothing seemed to be working.

My confidence was at an all-time low; I avoided photo ops, didn’t talk to guys, and basically got out of any activities that would call attention to myself — and my blotchy, uneven complexion. The one (sort of) good thing that came out of those early teen years? I started getting into watching beauty tutorials on YouTube as a way to figure out how makeup could be used to make me feel empowered and more confident in my own skin. But I didn’t just look to my favorite beauty bloggers to get schooled. I subscribed to a mailbox-flooding amount of fashion magazines — this one included — for the best beauty advice. I’d read every issue cover-to-cover, wondering to myself what it must be like to be the writers and editors who get to test out products and interview experts for articles.
 

But even after I learned how a little strategically placed concealer can go a long way, I wanted, no, needed my skin to get better. I didn’t want to cover up what I hoped I could eventually heal. But how would I do that when nothing worked? I felt like I was running out of options, but there was one that I had saved as a last resort.
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Now, I really, really didn’t want to go on Accutane. I knew some friends who had tried it, and what I remembered from their experience was super dry skin — face, lips, body — all. the. time. And Accutane and contact lenses (which I wore regularly and still do) are not a good mix — the drug can make your eyes drier, too. But after talking with my derm, she recommended it since it’s proven to be effective at treating the nodular, cystic bumps that were taking over my face.
 

While my reactions to the drug weren't as severe as I had feared, it did change my everyday life in a lot of ways. I constantly went through tubes of Aquaphor and my face always felt bone-dry, but I didn't get the joint aches that some my friends had experienced. I was still able to wear my contacts every couple days, but only with a steady dose of rewetting drops. The worst part, though? Having to face my fear of needles on a monthly basis by getting blood work done in order to refill my prescription. (Obviously, not the easiest thing to get used to.) But despite all the less-than-pleasant side effects, it finally was enough to tame my breakouts. The surface of my face was no longer a mass of bumpy, inflamed blemishes. I still had the occasional pimple, but it was just that — pimple, singular. That, I could definitely deal with. And just in time for me to start college at my dream school, NYU.
  

Things were going so great with my skin, I had almost forgotten what it was like to suffer from acne on a daily basis. I’d find high school photos of myself on Facebook and barely remember who that shy, quiet girl even was. My life was suddenly so different, and I was finally getting to do what I had dreamed of. I was writing beauty articles every day for Style.com, and getting to meet with editors, publicists, brand founders — some of them who I had looked up to as role models since I was a teen. Then, I turned 22 and acne reared its ugly head again. This time, though, was different. It was concentrated on my chin area, and flared up around my period. A derm quickly identified it as hormonal-pattern acne, which can hit women after puberty, even farther into 20s and 30s. Great, not this again, I thought.
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I was so, so frustrated. As a beauty editor, I had access to an amazing arsenal of skincare ranging from drugstore to prestige (not to mention a wealth of advice from top experts in the industry), and somehow still ended up with stubborn pimples and acne scars that wouldn’t go away. However, it shattered my professional confidence more than anything: How would anyone trust me to dish out beauty advice when I couldn’t even figure out my own skin?
  

But as it turns out, that whole "with age comes wisdom" adage is pretty spot-on. As annoying as they were, pimples now didn't make me feel as uniquely self-conscious as when I was younger. In my teen years, it was a lot easier for my insecurities to get the best of me. I didn't have the friends I have today nor the college degree I worked so hard for. I didn't have the industry background I have today. I didn't know the importance of moisturizer! My past and present experiences have taught me that acne isn't a mysterious, evil, dark force.
 
Not to quote another cheesy idiom, but knowledge truly is power. And as I grew older, and the more experts I spoke to (fellow beauty industry folks, derms, etc.), I realized that acne is well, pretty normal, and that a lot of people suffer from it in one way or another. It didn't matter if you double-cleanse religiously (like me), minimize greasy food and dairy intake (also like me), and get regular exercise (okay, so not like me, but you get the point); Sometimes, a pimple is just going to go rogue and do its own thing (for example, due to factors like hormonal changes out of your control), and the best you can do is keep drinking lots of water, and maybe put on some La Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo.
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Acne sucks, but as isolating as it can make you feel, you're never the only one going through it — not that I would've necessarily believed that as a teen. But as an adult, it's a different story. I'm more secure in my identity and sense of self now than I've ever been, so you better believe it'll take much more than even the most insidious pimple to rattle that. As for getting breakouts and maintaining a career in beauty? In a lot of ways, it might have made it easier to relate with readers and approach stories from their perspective: What's the next best spot treatment that will actually help breakouts disappear? Is my diet affecting my skin? Is investing in regular facials worth it? When's the right time to seek the help of a professional? All of these questions were questions I had too at some point in my life, and inspired me to find some answers and write about it.
  

I no longer feel like acne is standing in the way of achieving my dream. (So, I guess the big secret's out: Beauty editors get zits, too.) And while my face is clearer than it’s been in years, I still get occasional pimples and cystic bumps (in fact, I’ve got a cute one right now, right on the bottom of my chin).
   

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