That afternoon, I saw two of them in the elevator. When I commented on how much fun they seemed to have, they smiled and nodded.
One replied, ’Oh, we do have fun. We’ve kept this beach trip going for twenty years and have been through everything — divorce, death, cancer, unemployment.
’Don’t ever lose touch with your girlfriends, sweetheart. The older you get, the more you’ll need them.’
The conversation left an impression on me. While I’d always treasured my girlfriends, I’d never thought about needing them more with age. And if I’m being honest, it’s only been in recent years that I’ve taken their words to heart.
Last February, my friend Emily lost her husband Joe in a plane crash. Emily and Joe weren’t just any couple — they were the couple who had been best friends since age 15, whose incredible love story was still going strong. What they had was special. Throughout their home there was so much sadness and grieving. In the midst of this tragedy, however, there was also so much LOVE. One thing I kept thinking about were the women in Emily’s life, and how amazing they’d been. Because they knew her well, they could do a lot to lighten Emily’s load.
Our girlfriends can help make a tragedy bearable. They can read our mind and our emotions, intuitively recognizing what needs to be done. They can listen, empathize, and show compassion. They can help provide comfort and a timely shoulder to cry on.
It’s hard to nurture friendships when you’re busy raising kids. Some days I don’t have the time or energy. But one thing I’ve learned from watching Emily cope with her loss is how having strong relationships in place before a tragedy occurs enables the healing process.
Friends and family hold your hand as you slowly move forward. They help you find a new normal. They meet you for yoga, bring Starbucks to your home, take your kids for ice cream, plan a girls’ beach trip, and show love in a million heartfelt ways. And while we certainly need the wonderful men in our lives, for they play a crucial role, too, men simply aren’t designed to understand us like one of our own.
Sometimes it takes another woman to recognize intuitively what needs to be done — then do it. Or to sense what needs to be said — then say it. Or to take the thoughts and emotions we don’t voice — and know what to make of them.
Having great friends is largely a matter of being a great friend. The reason Emily’s circle is so strong is because she invests in her people. And in her greatest time of need, she reaped the benefit. I hope this story comes as a friendly reminder of why girlfriends matter in good times and bad, laughter and tears, and through the highs and lows that reveal who’s with us for the long haul, and who’s willing to share in our suffering so that one day, when we’re laughing again on the beach, there will be a history that makes the laughter sound richer and stirs the curiosity of anyone in earshot.
By Kari Kampakis
