I can’t stop my body from changing—but I can change how I think about it.
As
a beauty editor, I've heard time and time again how everything slows
down as we age: Cell turnover, collagen production, and skin elasticity
are just a few things that begin to dwindle in your mid-twenties. I
thought I was prepared for all the ways my body would change. I've
always imagined myself aging gracefully, accepting every extra line with
pride. But when cellulite, chin hair, and weird moles became my
reality, I started to lose some of my body positive bravado.
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These
visible changes tested the way I perceived myself. I found my facial
hair unattractive. I never wanted to wear short skirts, in case someone
would see my spider veins or my cellulite-dimpled thighs.
I spent a long time in front of a magnifying mirror, wondering about
the tiny black spots that were now sprinkled across my entire face. So I
did what any beauty editor would do—I went down a deep Google search to
see what beauty fixes existed that could erase these newfound “flaws.”
But a curious thing happened—the more I searched for solutions, the less
I started to care. In reporting, writing, and editing stories on the
myriad ways our bodies seem to betray us as we get older, I realized
that these changes aren’t betrayals at all. They’re normal, they’re
natural, they can even be beautiful. Most importantly, the older I get,
the more I think “f*ck it—it’s NBD.”
You may or
may not feel the same way, which is totally fine, of course. But for
me, accepting these body changes as normal and inevitable—and here to
stay—was the body-positive act I needed for myself. Below are six body
changes I’ve experienced that used to bother me, and how I learned to
accept them.
1. Cellulite
I’m one of the suckers who fell for that beauty myth that dry brushing and coffee scrubs could erase cellulite.
Now, I know better. Nothing can get rid of the dimples on my thighs.
But I’m comforted by the fact that I’m not alone—somewhere between 80
and 98 percent of women have cellulite (it’s hard to know the exact
percentage, but experts agree it’s a lot). That means even Beyoncé and Michelle Obama probably have cellulite.
Cellulite appears when fat
below the skin begins to press against the connective tissue around it.
It creates this cottage cheese effect. It has pretty much nothing to do
with weight—even thin people can have cellulite. Mostly, it’s genetic.
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There are things that, in some cases, can minimize the appearance of cellulite, like strength training to build muscle to support the tissue, stretching
to increase the flexibility of muscles and tissues, and doing skin-care
treatments regularly to help with the skin’s elasticity. None of these
options are a complete cure, and sometimes even these healthy habits
won't lessen the look of cellulite (remember: genetics).
So just like the dimples on my face, the dimples on my butt are something I’ve gotten used to. And if there are haters, they can kiss my…well, you know.
2. Stretch marks
Some people think that stretch marks
are something only new moms have to deal with. Not exactly, I learned
in my early teens, when the stripes started to show up on my hips and
butt. I thought losing weight would help, so I started following along
to the Tae Bo tapes in my parents’ bedroom. Spoiler alert: I’ve still
got the stretch marks (although my respect for Billy Blanks lingers).
Fifteen
years later I realize that nothing I do will make my stretch marks
disappear—and I’m not alone. They are super common, and like cellulite,
largely based on genetics. The marks appear when there is rapid
stretching of the skin, like in pregnancy
and puberty. “The skin stretches more quickly than it can accommodate,
leading essentially to scarred tissue in those areas,” dermatologist
Joshua Zeichner, M.D., previously told SELF. Growth spurts, breast development, and weight fluctuations can all contribute.
There are treatments that you can do to make stretch marks less obvious, like applying retinol or getting laser treatments.
But do you know how much it would cost to rub retinol all over my hips
and butt every night? That stuff is way too valuable to use anywhere but
my face. Plus, this remedy works best on newer marks, not decades-old
ones. So, you can catch me dancing in my bikini with tiger stripes on full display. Holla.
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3. Spider veins
When
the spider veins started popping up on my thighs, I admit, I freaked
out. I tried giving myself leg massages to make the blue splotches
disappear, but nothing would erase them. It seems spider veins are my new reality.
There
are things you can do to help with the appearance of spider or varicose
veins, but they all involve a trip to a specialist. A professional can
either use a laser to collapse the tiny blue veins or a process called
sclerotherapy, which involves injecting a foamy detergent or
concentrated saltwater solution into the vein, irritating the area and
stopping the blood flow. Treatments like these can cost around $500 per
session, and while they work, they can’t prevent new visible veins from
popping up. You can also wear compression tights every day of your life
to keep spider veins from getting worse, but for me, in my life, that’s
not happening. So I’m accepting my new blue lines and saving my
sclerotherapy-and-compression-wear money for a few new pieces in my
wardrobe or a beach vacation instead.
4. "Family moles"
I don’t do my mole checks on my body as often as I should, but when there’s a new dark spot
on my face, best believe I notice. These tiny black moles started to
pop up when I turned 28, and they continue to multiply. WTF! Like many
things on this list, these harmless spots—officially called dermatosis papulosa nigra—are genetic, and they are most common in African Americans and those with darker skin tones.
Getting
rid of these spots is simple: A dermatologist can literally burn them
off your face. Reality check: The idea of someone coming towards my face
with a cauterizing tool immediately had me reconsidering. Now, I truly
believe the bumps aren’t that bad. I mean, Marilyn Monroe had beauty
spots—these are kind of the black girl version of that.
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5. Uneven boobs
I’m a lefty—meaning my left boob is significantly larger than my right. Being lopsided
used to make me feel abnormal, but it’s actually very common, women’s
health expert Jennifer Wider, M.D., previously told SELF. There can be a
difference of one to two cup sizes in your breasts, which, other than
making bra shopping a pain, is completely normal and harmless. (Pro tip:
Always fit your new bras to the larger breast.)
Asymmetrical
boobs are mostly due to genetics, but fluctuating weight can also cause
a change in your boobs. For me, gaining five pounds means I have an
extra two pounds in my left boob, one pound in my right boob, and two
more pounds in my butt. (At least that’s how it feels to me.) When I got
interested in lingerie,
I started to be more concerned with the fit of my bra than the size of
my actual breasts—and that helped me realize that I didn’t need to be
symmetrical to be sexy.
6. Facial hair
My first chin hair came in this year. To be honest, this was an eventuality I was prepared for (a few women in my family have facial hair). But still—so annoying. I’m already used to dealing with body hair from the shoulders down and all the gorgeous natural hair
on my head, both of which take up an unreasonable amount of my weekly
grooming schedule. Now, I have to add plucking errant facial hair to my
routine.
There are other options, of course. I could go for electrolysis,
regular waxing appointments, or try to Nair it off. But honestly, until
my full mustache arrives I’m good with taking tweezers to my face every
once in a while, and if I miss a hair in the meantime, so be it. Who
knows, soon I might just roll with it. If a man can grow a beard without
public censure, I can leave the hair on my chinny chin chin.
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